Learning to Eat

The good news is that I'm not on any dietary restrictions.  That said, after my last round of gall bladder attacks I decided that I need to severely alter how I eat.  I've always known WHAT I eat isn't too bad, my problem is HOW MUCH.  That if I reduce how much I take in, especially in the evening, I could possibly quell heartburn and future gall bladder attacks.  Since the offending organ has now been removed, the devotion to modify my habits is stronger than ever.

I've been struggling with this for some time.  Earlier this year I posted how I refuse to use the word "diet" as I was raised by a mother on a perpetual diet.  To this day her cabinets are filled with low fat this and sugar free that.  Her snacks of choice are sticks - pretzel and carrot, to be precise. 

Up until fourteen years ago, I was the skinniest girl in the room.  My teen and college years were filled with accusations of anorexia.  The day I got married in 1987 I weighed a whopping 104 pounds.  Like I said, I was rather thin.

Because of the constant commentary and teasing I did everything possible to gain weight, mainly eating without restriction.  Dorm-mates watched in awed wonder as the toothpick shoveled heaping servings into her tiny mouth.  Somebody, a lot of somebodies, wished that one day my metabolism would slow down and did they get their wish!  My metabolism slowed, but my eating didn't.

So here I am.   For three weeks I've been taking almost half as much for each serving as I normally would.  Fortunately I'm not suffering with hunger pangs.  I'm also noticing the desire to "munch" when I'm not hungry (the hardest one to break).  I haven't been on a scale in over a week so I don't know how this is progressing, but I will be downright depressed if I haven't lost over ten pounds.

Hopefully I can keep up this pace.  Then we have to attack my lack of exercise, but that's on hold at least for another week. 

A Very Bad Day On The Scales

Yesterday was a very bad day. The scale tipped over 200 pounds. I swear there were dots before my eyes and I swayed a little. This is bad. Very bad.

I know that other people don't want to hear this as they battle weights much higher than mine, but for me this is bad. And I am not happy about this. It's not a depressed "not happy", it's an angry one. One that I hope pushes me to change, do better, reach higher. Because I really do not know how to be fat. I know all about being skinny, I cannot do fat.