Stolen Phone

This story is best told through interpretive dance - aka emails to Piranha...


Piranha:
Subject:  Elbow Snot

Yo!  I saw your post on FB last night about your iphone…that’s pretty rotten!  Do you know who stole it?  How did it happen?  Will your work supply another one?

Are you and The Husband considering joining us at the winery this Saturday after the shop closes for the day?  Just wonderin…


Me:
yes, no, yes, no, yes

Here is my long sad saga, because I'm not going to get any work done today, that's clear.  Today is my Monday, said in sad, dreary tones.  I like the word dreary and have been using it a lot lately.  Is that an old lady word?  I'm sure it is because I rock the old lady vernacular.  I speak old ladyeese.  Just shy of knitting, I'd say, dearie.

Soooo...  (personal information deleted for privacy reasons, but it was long and detailed and boring and pointless to the whole story.  It explained why Hubby and his mother were not tending the shop for the day)

During all this hooplah I took a day off work so I could cover the shop whilst Hubby and his madre galavanted around the town of Union.  It was a pleasant change of pace and I was having a wonderful day, as all wistful stories go.  Hubby showed up around 2pm once he was done with his mom and at that point it seemed we had rush hour in the shop, people crowding in asking questions, wanting to buy stuff.  A guy comes in and is looking for a table to put a chess board on so I take him to the back of the shop and point out a few pieces that might work.  Hubby stays at the counter supervising the old woman who can't decide which basket of vines she wants.  The woman was oblivious to the guy who was there before her and just assumed we were going to drop everything to help her first.  Somehow I juggled the two customers at the same time.  He kept pulling me away from the counter to look at stuff, but she was too.  Clearly this was taking too long and a second guy came into the shop and I had no indication that these guys knew each other, just happenstance that two, young (late 20's) black guys at the same time were in our predominately old white woman customer based shop.  Well, rude granny completes her major purchase of a vine in a basket and goes her merry way.  The guys make their way to the back of the store feigning interest in an old, oversized TV which eventually draws Hubby out of his seat.  I lug out the extension cord to prove it works and the second guy wants to look at his car to see if it will fit.  Woohoo the TV works, first guy says he has to show this to the second guy and leaves the shop.  Other customers come in and I go about taking care of them.  Hubby walks outside to help assess the size of they guys' car - not a soul to be seen, no car leaving the lot, no black guys milling around.  Hmmmm... that's odd, where did they go?

I finish up with the next set of customers and want to check my email like I was doing before the big rush and the phone is nowhere to be seen.  I knew immediately that it had been stolen because I know where I left it.  I had lost all concept of time being in the shop but fortunately there was that old woman's purchase on a credit card that happened in the midst of all of this so I pulled the receipt to give a specific time to the cop.  Neither Hubby or I can describe the first guy even though we had the most interaction with him, but the second guy did stand out because he had a line of tattoos around his neckline.  Doubt I could pick out either one of them in a line-up which is unfortunate.  But we did give a better description than any of the previous victims.... uh yeah, I wasn't the first.

Today is "special" because the phone system in the office is kaput so I can't call the police to give them the serial number of the phone that was stolen.  AUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!

Let's see, what were your other questions? 

I won't get a "new" phone a  replacement as there wasn't any insurance on it, but I still have my old phone that was notorious for dropping calls.  Once our office lines are up and running we'll get my old iPhone reactivated.

As long as it's not icky gross outside on Saturday, yes, we are definitely up for a little winery escapism.  Hopefully it's not a hilly location that requires Hubby to do a lot of walking.  He has seriously injured both knees and can barely get around.


Piranha:
Holy snot…what an ordeal!  I hope they catch the phuckers…I’m tired of me, my family and my friends being on the other side of ripped off.

I, too, am fascinated with old ladyese…interspersed with a mixture of 60’s and 70’s lingo of course.  I’m a dork.

It sounds like you NEED a trip to the winery!  Do you need me to make an appointment with our knee guy so your hubby can start working on a knee replacement?  Maybe him and Mickalicious can get a two for one deal!

It suck being old.


Me:
It DO suck being old  (read your last line)

A winery sounds great to me.  I'm going to try to get Numnuts to join us.  She would like us very much and she would be a new playtoy for us to bat around.   I like cat toys.

Oh, spicking of cats, what is the long dreary saga with your feline roommates?

Piranha:
Too long to get into here.  We are taking Charlie back to the sanctuary where we got her because I can’t take her peeing on our bed anymore.  We’ve tried everything within our power to get her to stop (not to mention have spend boatloads of money as well) and nothing has helped.  I feel horrible but at this point I don’t feel like we have a choice.  Girl-Child is upset but is taking it better than I thought.  I think it will hit her harder once Hubby leaves with her Saturday.  Argh!