Redneck July 4th

Being a girl, from the suburbs, in a county that outlaws fireworks, I never really FULLY understood the Bubba-factor that goes into the Fourth. Dear LAWD AWMIGHTY!!!!

Last year was so pleasant, a large group of friends gathered at a house where the back porch overlooked most of south St. Louis County. It was awsome - there were professional displays everywhere you looked and it went on for HOURS. I've never seen anything like it.

This year I was coerced by Mr. Wonderful to go to his family's get together - it's amazing, he said, you've never seen anything as spectacular. I tried to explain what I saw last year but his eyes just glazed over and he re-emphasized how COOL this one is. Oh okay.

So the evening begins with a great spread of food and kids setting off the smoke bombs and sparklers. It gets dark and the men and older boys start setting off the big fireworks - okay, but still doesn't beat last year. THEN, Mr Wonderful pulls out this pack of sparklers -150 or so that he's taped together - warns everybody to stay back because he only heard about doing this and isn't sure what it'll do. It goes bang. Let me rephrase that it goes BOOM! Big fucking BOMB type BOOM! He tee hees and giggles and gets patted on the back by the other guys. Us women are looking at eachother (including the ones related to these men and have endured this crap for eons) wondering what the big deal was. It was fire and it made big noise - grunt grunt grunt. They scramble to find more sparklers and tape. The second one was a failure, it just went up in flames with no big BOOM. They get in a huddle and discuss clearing the shelves of sparklers during after 4th sales so they can make them this weekend. Mr. Wonderful is instructed to bring lots of them next year.

So then it's time for the grand finalé. All women and children are instructed to go inside and watch from the window and the boys pull out the gas cans. Okay, now this ended up being pretty cool, but NEVER would somebody with estrogen flowing through her veins ever dream up such a thing.... The men had spent an hour earlier that day building this box (which involved a power saw, wood, nails, hammers, and a wire cage covering) and then put twelve bajillion bottle rockets in the cage covering. They pulled this "box" out to the end of the driveway, poured gasoline all over it, with a little trail back a ways so they could light it from a distance. It went off for about two minutes with bottle rockets shooting straight up and then fizzled out. THE WOMEN STARTED BOOING! I'm stunned, it was pretty, nobody got hurt. NOOOoooooo I was told, it's supposed to go on and on and on and on and shoot bottle rockets everywhere. So the men huddle again. Out comes the GASTANK from a motorcycle and they REGAS the box and relight it. OH MI GAWD!!!!!! Huge flames, bottle rockets EVERYWHERE, men running.

Oddly enough NO INJURIES and again, Mr Wonderful is the hero for putting out a fabulous display.

All I can say, it's a man thing and I don't understand.