At first I suspected moles but none of the identifying mounded tunnels ran through the yard. Maybe it was mole damage from the past? Then I wondered if it was a fungus of some sort? I had noticed spots on one of the trees and a couple of the rose bushes.
Over the weekend I discovered tons and tons of holes in my yard. These were something different than cicadas emerging from the ground. I accept those bastards like ant hills, just part of the natural outdoors that is easier to ignore than battle. In one hole there was an acorn. Oh okay, I thought, squirrels are ripping up my yard.
Yes, yes, I realize that is a rather passive attitude, however, squirrels are not hell-bent on devouring one's lawn or ripping it to shreds to gnaw on the beasties that live under the lawn. They make random holes, inadvertently planting future oak trees. This damage is minimal and I can live with it.
On Sunday I decided to mow the lawn (yes with my awesome new riding mower, vrroom vroom). I moved the boat shaped kid pool...
Notice the nasty lack o'grass?
Lo and behold, under the boat were TWO brown critters. They were longer than a mouse but not quite shaped like a mole. I totally forgot that moles have digging flippers or I would have instantly realized these were not moles. One darted off but the other just sat there staring at me, and me at it. Was it a mouse? It had mouse-like ears and a very mousy face but a shorter tail. I realize most people DETEST mice but really, they are cute, if you can get past the fact that they carry fleas and the plague and will devour your entire pantry. This guy was super duper cute. I resisted the urge to touch it and then it ran away.
Great. I have mice. At least they aren't in the house... yet. As I said it wasn't a type of mouse that looked familiar. The tail really was the wrong length. I broke down and googled it. Yes, it is a type of mouse, more commonly known as a vole.
I have since educated myself about voles. Voles are vegetarians and prefer grass. They LOVE golf courses. Oh yeah there is one just beyond the house across the street. Lucky me - golf balls and voles in my yard! (we are collecting the golf balls and so far have found five)
Voles burrow down to a colony. The exterior hole is the diameter of a broom handle. Yep!
Moles form visible tunnels as they paddle just below the surface. Voles, on the other hand, basically plow the top of the land for their tunnels. This isn't quite as obvious in my yard. I just have lots of brown patches with dead grass. A lot of the green that has taken over are weeds.
I posted to Facebook my plight. The suggestions ranged from getting a cat (two prowl the neighborhood already), shoving cat poop into the holes, concocting a brew of human piss, dishsoap, and garlic juice to pour down the holes, to dropping handfuls of human hair into the holes. The last one would be easy considering how much I shed.
One of the easiest and least gross suggestions was to put pieces of partially chewed gum in the holes.
Guess what I had in my desk????
A "bat" filled with old gumballs.
Seriously, shit like this only encourages my packrat tendencies. Of course I have old gum. And yes, I was willing to chew it.
Last night Doubting Teenager dispensed gumballs to his deranged mother who pranced from hole to hole depositing half chewed gum. After a while he sort of got into it and was helping me find more holes. Holy crap something has been very busy in my yard. Most disturbing are the fresh holes in my lush, pretty grass. This is all out war and it may mean forcing the menfolk of my house to urinate in coffee cans.
Fortunately this morning when I checked a few holes before heading off to work I noticed the gum was gone.
I will keep you apprised of my vole adventures.
