Sunday In My City - October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!

I guess I left my camera cord at work so I can't download pictures from this weekend - not like I have many.  But I'll grace you with pictures from Halloweens Past...

 

I May Have Exaggerated This Morning

We haven't turned on the furnace yet.  Yesterday morning was really freaking COLD.  Getting out of bed wasn't too difficult, but as soon as I hit the livingroom I started to shiver.  Instantly I wrapped myself in a blanket and somehow managed to struggle through posting my Friday Fragment.

I was surprised that by noon it was pleasant outside.  It might be fall.

Guess what?  THIS morning was freaking cold too!  I looked at the thermometer and it was 61. 

I turned to the husband and said "this thing is broken.  I'm pretty sure it should say TWELVE."


Oh okay, it might be warmer than 12, but it certainly was not in the sixties. 

He took pity on my mummified ass and turned on the furnace.  **Happy Face**

Friday Fragments - October 29, 2010

Happy Friday!  And yet again we meet to share our bits and pieces of our lives.  Thank you Mrs. 4444's for hosting the party!



*Are you tired of me complaining about the constant stream of meetings I've attended for the past three weeks?  Well, I'm tired of complaining so I guess it's time to suck it up and accept this new reality.  Le sigh!

*My mom's cousin arrived from Washington on Monday.  We gathered my kids together at a restaurant and had nearly fifty different conversations flying across the table.  Despite a few eye rolling moments it was a happy gathering.  I hope to make facebook connections with her children and her younger sister when she returns home this weekend.  I truly hate how I cannot find some people online!

This is such a sweet picture of my mom and her cousin.  I'm glad I caught it. 

*Baking season is coming up on us.  The cold air seems to usher in the desire for chili, soups, and baked goods, does it not?  Last year I came across a really good fruitcake recipe and received lots of favorable comments about it.  I've stocked up on dried fruits and in a few weeks I'll start soaking them in rum.  In case you want to play along, here's the link to the recipe:  http://www.ecurry.com/blog/desserts/rich-rum-fruit-cake-for-a-very-merry-christmas/ 

*Ian still has not settled upon his costume.  At this point I don't care.  He can show up at tomorrow's party as an indecisive teenager!

A full weekend is planned for us.  I hope your weekend is fun and candy-filled!

Strange Anniversary

I've mentioned in the past that certain dates just hang with me.  Today is another such memorable date.  It was 1992 and my boss had treated the office to lunch.  We went to Cunetto's on the Hill.  The Hill is the Italian section of St. Louis and Cunetto's is one of many old world eateries serving family recipes.  Cunetto's is also a place where you could easily imagine Tony Soprano sitting in a dim corner making deals.  And yes, St. Louis has a colorful mafia history.

After returning to the office my heart started to go into high gear, pounding rapidly for absolutely no reason.  So I did the only reasonable thing to do - left work and drove to the ER.

This wasn't my first episode, nor was it my first ER trip.  Some of my experience was predictable, a battery of drug tests to make sure I wasn't lying, but some of it was eye opening.  I've been to the emergency room four times because of my rapid heart (tachycardia).  It's almost comical to watch the staff's reaction.  EVERYONE with the singular exception of my cardiologist asks if I'm hyperventalating.  At one hospital that staff included a candy striper.  One ER trip even had someone give me a paper bag to breathe into.

SERIOUSLY?

I complied, but all they were doing was pissing me off.

My 1992 trip resulted in a month long heart monitor with not so much a blip.  Yes, I have a shy heart.

My cardiologist was a strong advocate for womens heart health.  She told me that I fit the profile for this type of heart condition - female, tall, extremely thin, caucasian.  The type of tachycardia I was experiencing was not life threatening and eventually I would "grow" out of it - a strange thing to say to someone in her twenties.  Oddly enough, since my 40th birthday I haven't had but one or two minor episodes, never needing medication or an emergency room trip.  Literally, I have grown out of it because I have much more fat on my body and that seems to be exactly what my little heart needed - who knew?

But all of those questions about hyperventalating?  That was really telling.  Hospital staff had not been trained in women's heart health.  That women under 40 DO suffer heart attacks and should be treated with the immediate and emergent care doled out to men over 50.  The constant stream of identical questions did feel demeaning, as though I wasn't being taken seriously.

When my gall bladder was removed last month (September 10 - surely another date squirreled away in my brain) I was excited that my surgeon was also a cardiologist.  We talked at length about my heart history and he took me very seriously.  That guy is tops in my book.

In fact lots of people take me seriously these days.  I've found several other women who also endure tachycardia, each with different treatment plans.  Some even have more severe diagnoses than mine.  It's an interesting little club that I belong to, not necessarily one we would have wanted.  I found that others have experienced similar disregarding trips to the hospital.  On the upside, that seems to be happening less these days.

And that's pretty cool.

But let's get down to the REAL significance of October 28th...




It's ten months until my birthday

Hellooooo Winnie The Pooh!

In other words, this is a very blustery day. 

I slept through the big gusts, but my son heard it.  This morning the trees are swaying like crazy and news is reporting bits of damage all through the St. Louis area.  The storm has passed us but is gathering strength so Illinois and Indiana are going to get pummeled later today.  Hang on y'all and stay safe!

Happy reminder - tonight is the Rocky Horror version of Glee!  Of course I agreed to attend a candle party so I guess I'll watch it tomorrow morning.  How on earth did I survive before Tivo?

Can't Talk - There's a foot in my mouth!

I gotta tell you, my stupid mouth starts more problems than it's worth.  I never learned to stay quiet.  As soon as a thought crosses my cranium the words spill out of my mouth.  On one hand you can pretty much take my word as the truth since I don't take the time to measure my words, but those unmeasured words are also lacking sugar coating.

I've gotten better about it as the years have passed, but every so often a whammy comes spilling out.  What's almost amusing about it is that I skip along, blissfully unaware of my damage until much much later.  Sometimes it's years later that something triggers the memory of a conversation or situation and then I flame up beet-red.  There are three incidents that keep sneaking up in my memory - incidents that the victims have long forgotten probably the minute I walked out the door.  Part of me wants to issue an apology, the other part is mortified by the thought.  I really need to lay them to rest.  But damn, I feel like an ass.

So to the world at large - I'm sorry I said that.

Grrr... too lame.

Sunday In My City - October 24, 2010

I love participating in Unknown Mami's Sunday in My City.  It's fun to visit everyone's city.

Welcome to St. Louis, Missouri!  It's the height of fall, but of course I didn't snap any pictures as I drove through the countryside yesterday.  The colors were fantastic.

So today I'm going to cheat and repost something from a year ago....


So it finally happened - the ginko tree that I've been stalking for the past week has FINALLY dropped it's leaves.  I wonder what the neighbors think of me slinking through their neighborhood at a snails pace trying to take a picture while driving - yeah, I'm dumb like that.

Wed Oct 21


Wed Oct 28



Thurs Oct 29


Fri Oct 30





The yellow leaves on the ground are really beautiful.  I'm sure the poor kid stuck racking that up would think me insane.  And the neighbors.  Well, everyone thinks I'm insane, but if you don't think about the clean up, the leaves are kinda cool.  Right? 

Now I can stop worrying about capturing the annual colors of this tree and can now focus on slapping together a crappy costume for Halloween.

Office Jokes - October 23 2010

Friday Fragments - October 22, 2010

Aaaaaand... here we are.  It's Friday, yet again.  The day blogosphere gets to defrag their week courtesy of Mrs. 4444's.  Join up and check out everyone else sharing the bits of their lives.

*I'm a little shell shocked it's Friday already.  I have spent all week in meetings.  I'm hoping I can actually get something done today.  Geez.  It's like... TUESDAY... or something.  I'm seriously screwed up.

*Ian had his Halloween costume all planned out to be a zombie soldier which was really cool because he all of the components laying around in the house.  NOW he thinks maybe he should be Napoleon Dynamite.  Uh, dude, that involves a wig and a Vote For Pedro tshirt... you know, things that AREN'T already in our house?  Stuff we have to BUY?  I hate costumes that require major purchases, and yes a curly wig is considered a major purchase.  Oh okay, here's my dirty secret - I'm not a shopper.  Going out to find a wig for my son just sounds like drudgery.

*Speaking of Halloween, neighbors have already carved their pumpkins.  Unfortunately that's just too soon and now our street is lined with pumpkins that look like they need dentures.  I giggle at the thought every morning when I leave for work.  Our pumpkin will be carved on the 28th at the earliest.

*Carved pumpkin means PUMPKIN SEEDS!  I'm a serious seed fanatic.  That's my addiction.  I took up eating sunflower seeds in college when everyone else was lighting up cigarettes.  In a night of drinking when my friends start lighting up I can plow through a whole package of seeds.   Now sunflower seeds are my addiction but I love pumpkin seeds, pine nuts and just about anything else that can be roasted and salted.  I avoid most tree nuts due to an allergy, but almonds are the exception so they get lumped in my seed addiction.

*It's cold outside!  I'm pulling out the sweaters and boots.  I'm not usually excited about needing to dress warmer, but my cooler clothing was getting a little boring.  I felt like I was wearing the same thing week after week so now I'm switching it up.  YAY!

The Neighbors

When I moved in the people next door were moving out.  They had an offer on their house from the children of the couple next door to them.  The kids, actually one of the kids, lives in New Jersey and wanted to buy the house next door to mom and dad as a vacation home.  The house is open to all of the family as the other siblings, aunts, uncles, and a variety of family friends come to visit.  Holidays bring the whole tribe together with grandkids nearly pouring out of the doors.

These aren't large houses.  They are modest two bedroom bungalows.  There was no way mom and dad could accommodate everyone in their house and people would be forced to stay at hotels.  So really this has been a rather cool idea.

Now the guy across the street?  I'm not so sure what his story is.  We have only spoken once and I pretty much pissed him off, but that's okay because I was already pissed off.  He spent an entire year fixing up the house with expensive renovations.  Eventually he moved in furniture but he doesn't "live" there.  He shows up every other weekend, usually bringing a friend or a woman with him.  Only recently has the woman visitor been the same person.  I kind of think he lives in Houston and he has some sort of business here.  Does that make it a vacation home?

Does that mean I have TWO vacation homes on my block?  That sort of amuses me considering the location and size of the homes.  No, that REALLY amuses me.  It makes it sound like I live in a luxury community.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahhahahahahahaha ha ha ha!

Office Jokes - October 19 2010

Random Monday

I type up the phrases, print them and literally cut and paste them to the ads.  One day I stared at the list and started laughing at the randomness of them.  I passed it on to Anna and she agreed - funny AND worrisome.  What on earth would I do with these?

You'll have to wait until tomorrow....

Sunday In My City - October 17, 2010

I love participating in Unknown Mami's Sunday in My City.  I haven't taken many pictures lately despite carrying a camera every freaking place I go.  I promise to get something more substantial for next week.  Today I have just one meager picture to share

This is my son's first hockey practice of the year.  It's amazing how much he has improved since he started playing four years ago.  I'm excited for the first game of the season - just a few weeks away.

Friday Fragments - October 15, 2010

Is it Friday?  Really?  It sure feels like Wednesday or Thursday.  I hate when my days get mucked up like this.  It's probably because I've had a long, abnormal week and gee, what better place to unload such a week but during Friday Fragments?



*The first abnormality to my week was the long series of meetings I've attended.  Meetings can be very disruptive to anyone's schedule, but they really are not part of my regular job so they are truly disruptive.  Usually a meeting is sort of a welcome diversion as it's a chance to get away from my desk, phone, and stream of people reporting problems.  But when I have multiple meetings in a week, let alone several each day - I feel like I'm returning from long vacations without the pleasant memories and sense of recent relaxation.  In other words, I'm spending a lot of time playing catch up.

*Also work related is that my supervisor has turned in his notice.  I really like him and appreciated his style of leadership.  The coming days and weeks will be filled with oodles more meetings and uncertainty.  I'm being asked to reassess my current job and consider how much of his job I will be able to assume or already have assumed.  The two of us comprise the entire IT department and have been relatively quiet and problem free so the higher-ups are unaware how much either of us really do.  And in some ways WE don't know how much we do.  So much work is produced out of our little department that it's a little scary to crack open that egg.  Introspection is difficult no matter the circumstances. 

*The new business is very slowly moving forward.  Small successes are being cheered - who knew that selling 20 pizzas would be considered "success"?  Word is getting out, people are taking notice.  I can't wait to see how today and tomorrow progress.

Okay, onto very terrible news.  The classmate of a friend's son, an eighth grader, committed suicide over the weekend.  This is incredibly hard to handle/comprehend/process.  MY son is an eighth grader.  I have had to hold a conversation with my child about why his friend is grieving and what would cause the loss of this unknown child in my world to upset me so much.

What would drive a thirteen year old boy to hang himself?  Bullying.  Yeah, didn't I just pour my heart out about that very subject last week?  Just days before he drove himself to the most desperate of measures?  Why can't we prevent this from happening???

So I've had to have the conversation, forced to have the conversation, with my son asking if he feels bullied, double-checking that he's not harassing others.  He assures me nothing is going on.  I had to comfort a friend who is at a complete loss for words as she watches her son struggle with an incomprehensible death.

The link I shared last week has been pulled up and shared across my office.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

We all are talking about bullying.  Clearly I'm supposed to continue this conversation here and share that link yet again.  This has to stop and we adults are the ones to make it happen.  This is not little boys arguing over Matchbox cars where you are supposed to step back and let them work it out for themselves.  This is too big for anyone to deal with on their own, especially a child.  If your child is being bullied, keep pushing until you find help.  Talk to the school, your church, hell, call the United Way, but GET HELP.

No one should discover their child dangling from a rope.  EVER.  No child should feel pushed to seek out that rope.  EVER.



.

Rocky Horror

Do you watch Glee?  I do.

Have you seen Rocky Horror?  I have.

Aren't you excited as all get-out that the Glee cast is going to do Rocky Horror on the next episode????  I AM!

St. Louis, actually University City, used to host Saturday night showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show complete with hardcore regulars dressed up and re-enacting the entire movie.  My boyfriend at the time claimed to have seen it over 100 times.  He took my virgin self along with best bud, Piranha, for an eye-popping experience.  OH MY!  And I loved every second. 

I loved the music and I loved the crowd.  Years later when I saw the movie on video, sitting in my boring livingroom, EW.  The movie SUCKED.  There is just no way to fully appreciate RHPS without the dressed up crowd tossing toast and rice, screaming out alterations to the script.

Next Tuesday I will have the TV cranked and will be singing along at the top of my lungs.  Quite excited.  My husband?  Not a fan.  He doesn't get it, he never had the live experience.  The music?  Annoys him. 

Sucks to be him next Tuesday!  Because THIS will make me happy and he will do whatever it takes to make me happy, even sitting through the worst TV show EVER  re-enacting the worst movie EVER.  He loves me. 

I'm sure I'll be dancing the Time Warp right in the middle of my boring livingroom.


SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Office Jokes - October 13 2010

More Icky Bugs

This is St. Louis, not FLORIDA!  Why are there so many gross bugs living here???

THIS monstrosity is something I first saw a decade ago hanging out in my dark, dirt floor garage.  One of the neighborhood kids said off-hand that it was a "cave cricket".  WHAT IN THE HELL IS A CAVE CRICKET?

Sure enough the pure ugliness is available via Google, but my pictures were taken in my backyard when I went to replace the cover on my grill.  These bastards JUMP AT you!  They look like a spider with hellish cricket super legs.

EWWWWWWW!!!!!!

*evil grin*

Office Jokes - October 11 2010

New Header

Sorry nothing spectacular to share on this Sunday.  I did manage to scrounge up an appropriate autumn picture for a new header as I'm not really in a beach mood these days. 

My lovely friends reminded me yesterday that a year ago we were in Vegas.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

Friday Fragments - October 8, 2010

Another Friday, another opportunity for me to unload my fragments of the week!

*My posts are going to include random advertisements that I've been using to decorate a coworker's cubicle.  She says she is saving these and will put them in a scrapbook or something.  I love watching her face when I put a new one up - sometimes she leans back with a hearty laugh, other times she just shakes her head.

*My mom should be pulling into town today after her three week jaunt across the country.  She met up with my brother's family attending a dog agility event in Wyoming then she headed to Nebraska to pick up her high school friend to drive to Los Angeles for their reunion.  Her poor car must be panting after all of that driving!

*Hockey practice has started for my son (it's floor hockey - no skates or fancy gear).  After three years of playing he's a very active part of the team.  I remember when he first started, scared and unsure, hanging out by goalie.  Now he's out there scrambling across the floor, assisting his teammates.  Let's hope he becomes a big scorer this year!

*Speaking of my son, at 13 he has really been sprouting up.  All summer he has been measuring himself next to me, triumphant that he's taller than his sister, hoping for the moment he would be taller than me.  Nose to nose my nose rested on top of his.  Not any longer.  This week I walked up to him and he seemed... taller.  So we got nose to nose and DAMN if his nose doesn't rest on top of mine.  Now his goal is to top his 6 ft father... and then onto his brother and cousin.  I won't be too surprised if he reaches 6'4" of my brothers.

The Skinniest Girl In The Room Speaks Up

When I tell people that for most of my life I was the skinniest girl in the room the response is "that's a problem I would love to have."

Well, let's ponder that for moment, okay?

The first misconception is that I could fit into anything, that I could waltz into any clothing store and be able to pluck something off the rack.  Nope.  I struggled just as much as I do today to find anything that would fit properly.  While I didn't have waistbands cut into my stomach I did use safety pins to cinch the waistband closer to my body.  Many items didn't lend themselves to belts to be pulled that tight.  As you roll your eyes over that problem, stop and consider that clothing is designed to "fall" a certain way and if you pull it too tight you destroy the look.  Yes, I could put my body in most clothing, but all of it looked simply ridiculous.

The second was that I did something to be that skinny.  Nope.  Just a really high metabolism.  I wasn't starving myself or puking/shitting it all out.  So many people took it upon themselves to monitor my food intake that I was paranoid to do anything that would even remotely look like a diet.  That is so ingrained in my head that I'm having a problem today when I need to actually go on a diet.  I blame it on my mom with her permanent diet status that I'm anti-diet, but having absolute strangers comment on my eating habits has severely scarred me much more than my mom stocking the kitchen with carrot sticks and pretzel sticks.

I was skinny as a little girl.  I attended a small elementary school and was known as the skinny girl.  It wasn't a problem, we all laughed about it.  But then my classmates started sprouting boobs and I didn't.  Suddenly boys started making comments and I got self-conscious.  Even after I developed something it wasn't a lot.  A tall lanky teenage girl with small boobs looks even skinnier.  Seventh grade was hell.  A handful of boys were just awful with their constant stream of stupid comments.

Then girls started making comments.  Boys are stupid, girls are hateful.

Friends and family who heard the comments tried to comfort me by saying that the girls were jealous because they were struggling with their own weight.  That made sense, but really it wasn't the "fat" girls being hateful, it was the perfect, pretty girls.  And maybe they were jealous of something, but I have no clue what a dumb, skinny, flat chested girl with no boyfriends could offer to be jealous about.  And yes, I said "dumb".  No I don't think I'm dumb now, in fact I'm secure in my intelligence these days, but back then I was convinced I was dumb and my grades reflected that.

What was really astounding were the comments from adult women.  On a regular basis I would be stopped and told "you are so skinny you make me sick."  Again people tried to assure me that was a compliment.  REALLY?  How in the hell is that supposed to be construed as a fucking compliment?

Oh do you sense some anger boiling in me?  You bet.  I am still pissed off.  It's not acceptable to go up to ANYONE, but especially a child, and say something like "you're ugly" or "you're fat" or "you're dumb".  But somehow it's acceptable to approach a child and tell her that her physique makes you ill?  And that she is supposed to have the maturity to accept that as a compliment?  What the hell do you say in response to something like that?   Was I supposed to say "thank you"?  As I got closer to driving age I started to twist it into humor and said I should carry vomit bags to offer people when they said it to me.

I heard that phrase a lot, at least several times a month.  Imagine people coming up to you nearly on a weekly basis for several years saying that you make them sick.

You are so skinny you make me sick.

Consider it for a while.

You are so skinny you make me sick.

You make me sick.

YOU make me sick.

It doesn't feel like a compliment.  It's an insult.  It makes you feel like a freak.  You know your friends aren't being singled out by strangers and spoken to.  AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE IT.  I couldn't get fatter, I couldn't stop the comments.  All I could do was try to fade into the background and be invisible.  I walked behind my friends, I kept my head down, I never made eye contact.

And that pose?  Head-down-no-eye-contact?  It also attracts attention.  It made my freak-flag fly even higher and brought even more unwanted attention.  There is no way to hide.

Yesterday I shared with you that I was bullied in school.  It wasn't physical where I was thrown into lockers or beat up.  I didn't have a regular gang of mean girls following me in the halls tossing venom my way.  No, my bullies were regular people - friends of my parents, parents of my friends, old ladies at church, clerks in the grocery store, teachers, lots and lots of classmates, random people walking their dog.  It came at me from all directions.  I never saw it coming and it pierced me straight through the heart every time.

Yes, it was a fucking blast being the skinniest girl in the room.

But there is a message in all of this.  When we talk to children, hell anyone, consider your words.  If you are offering a compliment, make it genuine and use nice words.  If you have something constructive to say make it uplifting.  Otherwise, shut it.

I realize many people thought they were helping by saying something to this anorexically thin girl, like they were the first to ever make that observation.  But those words?  Not helpful.  And had I really been suffering an eating disorder, telling me I made you sick to look at me?  Those words could have been deadly.

Gee, thank you.

Fuck you.

I get angry when I hear people talk about models and celebrities who are super slim.  The phrase "toss that girl a sandwich" pisses me off.  You just don't know.  You don't know that girl's story, you don't know who is listening.  While you may want to shed a few pounds yourself, it's clear you also think there's such a thing as too thin and you find it disgusting.  Thank you for telling me that most of my life I was a disgusting, disfigured monster. 

Truly you don't want to be the skinniest girl in the room.

Bullying

I was going to post another round of office pranks, but the most riveting post was brought to my attention and I have to share it with you.  Please, PLEASE, take the time to read it all the way to the end.  This man was bullied all through school and he revealed his pain and desperation.  I was bullied in school.  It was horrible, miserable... just really bad. 

Like this guy I turned into a shy and very quiet kid in school.  I was invisible.  The more invisible I made myself, the less I was teased.  It's not hard for me to understand people who dream of suicide to escape the taunting.  I get it.  I've also worked in schools and what this guy says about taking time for both the bullied and the bully is genuine.  And effective.  Talk to kids, become their hero.  It's nothing at all but simple conversation and you've very possibly saved a life.
 
Somehow, magically, I made friends, people who I love and nearly cling to this very day, and like this guy, my life got better.  The teasing never ceased, but it stopped affecting me.  I stopped trying to hide.


http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html

Office Jokes - October 5 2010

More office jokes

So it's been established that I'm a bit of a prankster in the office, right?  Well, here is my latest amusement - defacing magazine advertisements and posting them in my victim's cubicle.  It's the same victim as always and she will get me back in due time.  Actually, she's enjoying the flow of insanity.  So I'll share these with you, maybe one a day - we'll just see how I feel.  So far there are 25 of these puppies (and a drawer full of more to be created).

Sunday In My City - October 3, 2010

While a major nuisance to businesses, there is something kind of cool to graffiti.  I mean when I try to spray paint a chair all I manage to do is make nothing but a mess.  It would be impossible for me to direct that stuff into lines and words, let alone artistically, much less in the dark while looking over my shoulder worrying about getting busted.

And yes, I get it.  There are many areas where this is a serious problem.  But if you look beyond the problem, there's art.  I would love to see that energy and artistry directed towards something useful.

So this is a regular sight around my city.  Check out everyone else sharing their city through Unknown Mami