There are events and activities that can try the stability of any union and I mean other than one partner screwing around with half of the city's population. No, I'm talking about trivial things that show how wonderful you are together or make you wonder how you survived without blood on your hands.
Like moving. Packing all of your shit into a box and transporting to your new home, unpacking it and deciding where to put it. This is hard enough when it's just little ol you and your own crap, but add another person into the equation and their crap looks like garbage and they pack boxes like a neurotic chipmunk that you fantasize about conveniently forgetting their boxes at the curb for the trashman to collect. Compromise, collaboration and outright bribery are the coping mechanisms. Other people silently stew only to have it all erupt forty years later. Amazingly there are some couples that manage such a straining event in absolute harmony. THIS is a test of marriage. It shows your true self to your partner. How you come out on the other side says a lot for how the marriage works as a whole.
But there are other events that can show this as well.
Wallpapering. Yep, smearing goo on the back of long strips of paper and then attempt to stick said paper on the wall. It's a two person job requiring perfect communication and coordination of movements. Or one person doing all of the work and the other sulking while the strips get slapped onto the wall in a crisscross pattern that vaguely resembles the word ASSHOLE.
Canoeing. Another two person job requiring communication, but this time with one person staring at the back of the other's body. If you don't coordinate your movements just so, you'll end up going down the river backwards, or swirling around in circles, or dumping you, your partner and all of your precious possessions into the water.
Travel. This is a great activity when by yourself, but add a partner and suddenly one person's luggage is too big or too many and the other person has forgotten to pack basic necessities. You have to coordinate tickets and times and cope with fears and past psychological traumas. Sympathy would be a great quality to pop in about now, but sometimes it's seen running for the hills and is replaced with Frustration and Anger.
Pregnancy. WOOOOOO Buddy, is this a trial of marriage! The one cooking the bun in the oven displays weird physical ailments increasing the demands on the insemenator. Men who are used to being in charge are reduced to meager servants under the tyranny of an insane wench prone to fits of unexplainable tears. Communication and coordination fly out the window. Sympathy is useless. Knowing when to shut-the-fuck-up and keep your head down is best. Oh, and withdraw your hand quickly lest it become part of a midnight meatball sub that you just finagled out of a weary deli manager ten minutes earlier.
Honestly the "knowing when to shut-the-fuck-up and keep your head down" is how a lot of couples maneuver through most of their marriage.
Trouble in paradise, you ask? Not really. I've been contemplating "Tests of Marriage" for quite some time. It's a concept introduced to me many years ago. The person said there were five tests with wallpaper and canoe trips being two of those items. For the life of me I cannot remember what the other three are. I added moving, traveling and pregnancy as my own. I am now adding STARTING A NEW BUSINESS as another. I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones I've experienced. I learned a lot about myself in the process. I like to be in control and that handing the reigns over to someone else is very difficult. I like to share my ideas and get rather pouty when no one listens. I am frequently WRONG. Oh holy shit, I do not like being wrong and really do not like people pointing out my errors. Nor am I an overly sympathetic person.
I'm learning when to shut up and suck it up, but I'm also learning when to assert myself and stand strong. I'm learning that communication is not just me spewing my thoughts, but listening and learning from others. As a newlywed I'm learning more about my partner and how certain things he says throws me into a tizzy and how certain things I say throws him into a tizzy. We are learning what works and what doesn't. We're learning about our different approaches to work, rest, communication. We are compromising and coordinating. We are screaming and yelling and apologizing.
I didn't touch on money because that is a known source of tension in just about any partnership. It requires communication and patience and sympathy and coping with past psychological issues, just like all of the other tests of marriage require. What I'm looking for are those smaller events that make the meat of the relationship crystal clear.
What are other events that test your marriage?
