Things In My Hair

In preparation for Girl Scout camping we (the troop leader, Mental Mysteria and myself, the co-leader) took the certified camper course for adults with another 8 women from other troops.  It was a beautiful, sunny weekend.  We got to participate in all of the regular activities of setting up and maintaining a camp so we would know how to supervise our own troops - the goal being the girls do all of the work while we adults sit back and "supervise."  So we got to do the grunt work while the trainers supervised us.

Finally, we got a break from camp duties and were all gathered around the fire pit, enjoying the sunshine.  The coolest part of this weekend was that the butterflies were out in force.  They were so thick they were almost a nuisance, landing on our paperwork as we studied for certification tests.  But really it was cool to see so many.

One landed on my head and started tromping around up there and sort of pulled my hair astray from my ponytail.  I reached up to fix my hair but my hand landed on a bump that was NOT MY PONYTAIL.

And the fucker started to SCREAM.

It was a damn CICADA!

I had a screaming cicada in my hair, clinging for dear life to MY PONYTAIL!!!!  Have you ever seen a cicada?  It is a big fucking bug with a hard crunchy outer shell and it's ugly as sin and it's gross and I hate bugs and it is big and ugly and gross.  OMG!!!

Since my hand was already on it - because I froze in mortal terror - I decided to finish the deed and grasp the bastard - EW - and fling its screaming ass off of my head.

And then scream.

Here's a picture I took of a cicada shell last summer.  These bastards shed their skin all over the trees and stupid children play jokes by hooking these on each other.  ((((shudder)))))

Isn't that DISGUSTING???  A LIVE one was on MY HEAD.  SCREAMING.  AT ME!  Yes, they scream.  I guess it's more like a fucked up cricket chirp, but on crack, through a blow horn.  They are loud.  Especially when one is on your head. 

I love the Girl Scouts.  I love camping.  I love Girl Scout camping.  But really, I should have taken this as a message.

One Time At Girl Scout Camp

Mental Mysteria and I were co-leaders. Her daughter was bitching and moaning about bugs, spiders in particular. I proudly boast that for as much as I don't like bugs, spiders don't really bother me. When I see a spider I don't scream like a little girl (roaches are a whole other story).

Clearly I was setting myself up. Murphy's Law and Karma have wicked senses of humor.

We get settled into our respective tents when all of the sudden the girls in MM's daughter's tent come out screaming. THERE'S A SPIDER!!!!

*sigh* So MM and I grab a broom to escort the spider outside (we're in the woods, we're not going to kill any of the residents).

HOLY CHIT! This thing was gargantuan. It wasn't quite a tarantula, but close... probably a wolf spier. And not something you squish. Saddle and tame, maybe, but definitely not squish. Did anybody watch Arachnaphobia? The movie where the momma spider actually plots against the exterminator dude and is really adept in the duck-n-hide maneuver? Yeah, we had its sibling.

We removed all of the girls' stuff out of the tent, leaving the cots, always keeping a watchful eye on the latest location of the spider. We chased it to the middle of one of the cots and then it scampered to the edge on the side by the wall. So MM and I agreed the best method would be to just shoot the mattress out of the tent. So MM grabbed the mattress and I was positioned to catch the end and toss. She screamed bloody murder, flung her arm, the spider hit me in the chest, I screamed and the spider hit the floor and ran to the corner.

I nearly peed I was laughing so hard. Damn spider. Of course the girls are heckling me because "I don't scream about spiders"

War ensued after we got the giggles under control. MM chased it out of the corner and in a move worthy of any NHL player, I used the broom to shoot the spider out of the tent.

TA DA!!!!

I don't scream about spiders unless there is one in actual contact with my physical body.