REPOST: Snowmaggedon Survival Guide - Or How Not To Slaughter Your Children And Use Their Bones To Heat Your Home

I haven't forgotten about y'all, but my brain is empty.  When I was poking around for something else I found this post and thought I would re-share it.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Snowmaggedon Survival Guide - Or How Not To Slaughter Your Children And Use Their Bones To Heat Your Home

I'm an unofficial parenting advice source for my friends and co-workers.  Last week I got a frantic email asking how to get a few precious minutes ALONE from her 3 year old.  Then yesterday the same person posted on facebook wanting to know how to keep her daughter amused during a snow day.  I'm even reading how stay-at-home moms are at their wits end with their cabin fever infected spawn.

First, understand that cabin fever doesn't truly set in until after several weeks.  So what we're really dealing with is boredom doubled up with a break in routine and insecurity.  And folks, insecurity about the weather comes from YOU.  Think about what you're saying, the words you're using, not just with the kids but with your spouse and to the people on the phone.  "Hi mom, just checking in to make sure you're doing okay with this dreadful weather.  mmmhmmm... yeah, the roads look dangerous and I heard that Mary fractured her hip when she walked outside.... OH I KNOW!  ...well you take care and stay warm.   Call us if you need anything."  Innocent enough conversation, but to little ears?  SCARY!

So here you go, a list of activities to keep your kids (and you) from clawing down the walls:

1.  Make cookies (I hate making a special day defined by food, but these are desperate times and food soothes.  Suck it up).  I suggest chocolate chip, but go ahead and make whatever flavor makes your crew happy.

2.  Make homemade hot cocoa - I went out and searched for a recipe for you, one that happens to be on the box of baking cocoa in my cabinet
    http://www.hersheys.com/recipes/5265/Hot%20Cocoa.aspx
         1/2 cup sugar
         1/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
         dash of salt
         1/3 cup hot water
         4 cups (1 qt) milk
         3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Stir together sugar, cocoa and salt in medium saucepan; stir in water. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Boil and stir 2 minutes. Add milk; stirring constantly, heat to serving temperature. Do Not Boil.
   
2. Remove from heat; add vanilla. Beat with rotary beater or whisk until foamy. Serve topped with marshmallows or whipped cream, if desired. Five 8-oz. servings. 

Um, that bit about serving with marshmallows "if desired"???  Bullshit - they are absolutely necessary.

3.  Have a picnic in the middle of your living room (Your house is going to be a disaster zone if you follow my directions, but again desperate times call for desperate actions.  Suck it up.  Actually, for your own sanity and as an extra activity to keep the munchkins occupied, CLEAN UP after each thing you do).  Pull out a blanket and sit your butt on the ground just as if you were at a park in the middle of summer.

4.  Pull out the stuffed animals.  Oh, you thought they were decoration?  Ha!  Tell the kids to sit in the bathroom (without touching anything) as you quickly assemble the fake beasts around the house.  Then lead your children through the house on a guided safari.  Discuss their natural environments.  If you don't know where those beasts live or what they eat, have the kids offer suggestions.  Or make up facts.  Kids love far fetched and whimsical.  You might even score cool points.  Yes, your big kids should be expected to play along.  After much bitching and grumbling about how gay and retarded all of this is, point out no one is watching (Take this opportunity to review why "gay" and "retarded" are politically incorrect and that they are hurtful terms).  Their defenses will quickly melt and they'll be giggling along with the younger sibs

5.  Hold an Easter Egg hunt.  Dig out those plastic eggs and take turns hiding the eggs from the rest of the group.  If you by chance don't have plastic eggs (make sure to stop at Walgreens the day after Easter this year and load up on them for the next snowtrastrophy) gather up small trinkets, maybe toys and use them for your egg hunt.

6.  Build a tent city.  Use kitchen chairs for structure and drape blankets and sheets over them.  Bring in the stuffed animals for their mini families.  With a sheet draped over the kitchen table, eat lunch under the table.  Give each kid a flashlight, load them up with coloring books and crayons and then slip off to read your own book in peace.  Tell them they can take their afternoon naps in their tents.

7.  Write a letter to Grandma, complete with an envelope for each child and real stamp.  And mail them, even if grandma (or whoever) lives next door.

8.  Move your tent city into the living room, restructured into a drive in.  Pick an old movie from your selection (that would be the Power Rangers Movie at my house - I have that damn "oh oh, we're in trouble" song etched into my head for eternity.  I'm going to have alzheimers and hum that stupid tune it's so ingrained in my gray matter).  By the way, the movie selection is not decided by any democratic process, totally a surprise.  I hope you have real popcorn on hand, not the microwave stuff.  If not, make do, but really, next time you're at the store grab a bag of popcorn kernals.

Any of these activities provide HOURS of activity.  At some point the kids are going to be sick of the togetherness and will be glad to flee into their bedrooms for hibernation.  Let go of your routine and any sense of order.  That's a scary place for a lot of moms, but do it and watch those little smiles grow.  It's totally worth it.  And yes, give them plenty of unstructured time.

OH!  And pull out the camera.  Record this day, it will be precious.