Flu Season 2010/2011

Where is the hype?  Where are the dire warnings?  Where are the long lines at the pharmacy, the death counts from the nation's ER departments, the clamor for more flu shots and endless nightly news reports about the flu epidemic with a crazy name?

I said last year I would get worked up when they announce the Hippopautomus flu (and how the hell do you spell hippopatomus?)

More people than I can count and many I personally know have been waylaid by this flu bug that's going around.  It's a twenty-four illness (fortunately) where the entire contents of your digestive tract attempts to exit via any and every possible orifice, frequently all at once.  My son was convinced that he had food poisoning except no one else got sick who had the same meal.  Only days earlier he was with my other son who had also been violently sick who days before that had been with someone else who had been violently sick.

My friend, Piranha's husband also suffered this horrific fate (and described it with the every orifice including hair follicles exit strategy).  Three people at work have had it.  One of the person even had a tale of a shart (shit-fart).

So the media has ignored this horrible disease rumbling through the population.  We're on our own, unprepared with no sirens warning.  It's coming folks and I'm very scared.  This could very possibly be the Hippopatomous Flu!  Duck and cover, wash your hands frequently and wear a face mask, and most importantly, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!  Hopefully my sons left their vile disease contagions at their father's house.


PS. H-I-P-P-O-P-O-T-A-M-U-S (I looked it up finally)... be scared, it sounds very icky.

Dear Media...

Dear Media,

While I'm interested to hear that Chelsea Clinton got married and I enjoyed seeing a few shots of the happy couple, I truly do not care about a moment by moment run down of the event.  By the time the wedding arrived I was truly DONE with it all.  This morning's news informed me that the AMERICAN PUBLIC drove the frenzy for more information.  Really?  It wasn't possibly YOU driving that frenzy and then telling the public that we were crazed for the information?  Maybe it was something similar to  pointing to nothing in the air and just standing there staring at that same point and soon other people gather around and stare at it too?  Stand there long enough and someone will see something and will generate a buzz and interest.  Eventually a crowd will form.  But is that news?  Is that driven by the public?

I think not.

You're also telling me the dire situation of the economy.  Really?  Everyone I know has a job and is busy living lives identical to three, four years ago.  I stand in line at nearly any restaurant when I go out and the restaurant parking lots are filled with brand new cars.  These are not indicators of a poor economy.  But we are in trouble, Chicken Little, big big trouble.

And then you are amazed that your followers are dwindling.  MAYBE YOU NEED TO REPORT THE FREAKING NEWS?  Tell us what's going on in the world, not what YOU are interested in or what you want us to be interested in.  Seriously.  Quit trying to generate news and return the old standards of reporting what you see and hear.

Thank You,
The American Public