Friday Fragments - August 31, 2012

I'm baaaaaaack!!!!

I took a wee little Blogcation as I ironed out crap at home.  I think this happened last August too.  Not that anything has settled down, I just missed you so much and had to get back in the pool!

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While we were apart you missed my grandbaby's first birthday.  Yes, he is one whole year old.  Not at all possible, is it?

Need a good laugh?  Here he is with his cake

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My youngest finally got his driver's permit!!!!  He hasn't been behind the wheel yet, which I'm sure is simply killing him.  Getting that stupid permit has been sheer torture.  He has had the book to study for the test since his birthday in May.  Finally, two weeks ago, he announced he was ready for the test.  Hubby took him up for the test and he totally nailed it.  I think he missed two questions (see what studying can do??? - oh wait, he's not reading this, but yeah, that's the moral of the story - study).  So they go up to the desk with birth certificate in hand and nooooo it's not good enough to simply know ones social security number, this particular office insists upon seeing the card.  Guess who can't find the SS card?  Moi.  We turned the house inside out looking for it.  I know I had it, I remember taking it to the tax prep office last spring and I think I made a photo copy of it for his work permit.  WHERE IS IT????  

I never did find it.  So I finally look up the social security administration online to find out what I have to do to replace a lost card.  I gathered up the necessary paperwork, made sure I went overboard and got extra items on the list just in case, took an hour off work, grabbed the kid and headed to the local SS office.  We waltzed in, took a number and before I could sit down for what I was sure was going to be the most ridiculously long wait imaginable, I was called to the window.  Badda - bing- badda - boom, we were out of there WITH a temporary card.  A-MAZING! 

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And in other kid news, we will be spending this weekend moving my daughter into her new apartment.  This will be the first time she won't have extra roommates other than her boyfriend so it's an exciting time for her.  I hope this means a little tranquility in their lives!  They certainly need it.

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As I write this we're keeping an eye on the sky.  Big ugly clouds have already rolled into town, the remnants of Hurricane Isaac have reached St. Louis.  We're hoping for a good soaking rain after a summer of drought, but it's more likely there will be lots of flooding and probably a few rounds of tornados.  It's kind of weird to be in the middle of the country and have to deal with a hurricane.  Several others have made this route, including Katrina.

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Work is absolutely crazy right now.  We are about to roll out a new database.  If you've never suffered that fate, let me tell you it is downright miserable.  Especially for your IT department.  Big boss took pity on me and my partner in crime and sent us out of the office last Thursay for a day at the ballpark.  We sat ten rows behind the dugout, in the sun.  Fabulous day!  St. Louis Cardinals beat the Houston Astros 11-5 (if I happened to remember the score incorrectly, sorry.  Bottom line - we won).

Homeless Shelter, Handouts, and a lot of Heartache

Many months ago my daughter shared a story of a friend in a dire situation.  My daughter felt helpless watching someone she cared about get smacked with another round of hardship.  Isn‘t it crazy how some people get whalloped in life and others seem to skip through?  These hardships weren't a garden variety of general bad stuff seen through a negative lens.  It was really bad, a little girl who had been victimized many times now an adult trying to keep her head above water.

What to do?

Through work I had a very long list of resources.  We searched for the right ones and sent her the information.  Oh yeah, she lived over 100 miles away.

There is this prevailing thought about people sucking off the system when there are so many resources for help out there, churches and such always offering a hand.  Let me point out a few difficulties with "resources".  I don't know what the statistics are, but I guarantee that for every hand extended there are over forty more lined up to grasp it.

The friend reported that the shelters were full, the offices too far away, phones never answered, and her own phone low on minutes.  Her car was broken down and the shitstorm continued to rain down.  By summer she was ready to leave, escape the hellhole, and start fresh.

I mentioned this in passing to my husband.  Out of nowhere he suggested letting her stay with us.  Unlike when my brother camped out here, sleeping on a spare bed in our tiny two bedroom house, we offered to clear out and rearrange the sunroom to be a private apartment.  She considered our offer but instead opted to believe the empty promises of an abusive and manipulative boyfriend.

A month later she asked if the offer was still available.

In the meantime our own world was imploding as we were making the painful decision to close our shop.  We asked her to hold off another week as we addressed our own issues.  She said she could find her own transportation that she felt bad asking us to come get her.  Her original transportation arrangements fell through, but a local church was able to muster gift cards and someone with a van.

We had a fair idea of what we were getting into.  In the package came her five year old son.  What we had to offer was sanctuary away from abuse, in a city her abuser avoided, with an unknown family.  This was going to be a long-haul time commitment that would try our patience.

She arrived on a Monday morning with a few pieces of furniture and loads of stuff hastily tossed together that didn't make sense.  She was shattered and scrambling, that was clear.  Over the next few days we carted her to various places necessary to get assistance and to enroll her son in school.  She managed to tell authorities the right portion of her story to get the assistance she needed.

There wasn't much opportunity to sit down and work out details of how we were going to operate our living situation.  When I got home for the day she was connecting with friends she hadn't seen in six or more years.  She was keeping late hours and was threatening the obscurity we were offering.

When we did talk it became clear she was expert in saying what you wanted to hear.

I got it.  She was running and at the same time trying to keep the peace. "Make no waves" was a theory that had served her well through the years.  I also understood that if she sat still too long she would have to face her demons.

Two weeks later she pulled up stakes and found sanctuary with family members who had previously been unavailable.

While I can explain it all away and see her point of view, in the end we got burned.  I can't even begin to express the disappointment in her decisions.  Sanctuary wasn't what she sought.  She had no understanding what a few months of peace and quiet could mean, how what we were offering wasn't another hand-out, but a hand-up.  This was an opportunity to start all over, fresh, with a clean slate.  Instead she chose to cling to the safety of a world she already knew.

Opportunity comes in many forms and often we don't see it for what it is.  We bypass the minor inconvenience of change in favor of staying with what we know.

I firmly believe all things happen for a reason.  Clearly the friend was here only as a stop-over, not to rebuild her life.  For us, however, it forced us to finally address the sunroom.  Our extra refrigerator and deep chest freezer were moved to what has turned out to be far more convenient location - who knew?  We cleared out a ton of junk, throwing away so much and finally organizing tools and other stuff that had been stashed away.  I also think it offered us a distraction from the other stresses in our world.  I'm not sure taking on more stress is a good way to do so, but it seems to have worked.

Over the weekend my daughter and boyfriend took up residence as they transition to other housing.  She has jokingly referred to us as a homeless shelter.  I'm pretty sure the shelter is closing its doors after this round.

Friday August 10, 2012

I made a promise of sorts at the beginning of the summer to commit more time to blogging.  Well, life has definitely gotten in the way over the past few weeks.

There is a whole lot that I can't or shouldn't discuss publicly, and that just kills me.  I like this venue to chronicle my life and discuss what's going on.  It's a healthy means to work out details.  The key, however, is to know what to publish and what to keep quiet.  All of that said, I'm doing good, my family is happy and healthy, and the heat wave has broken (woohoo!)